Ease Family
Designed by Felix Pfäffli and Robin Eberwein
Designed by Felix Pfäffli and Robin Eberwein
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Regular
MORTY: Are you getting that?
HELEN: I thought you were getting it.
MORTY: Should I pick up?
HELEN: You want me to get that?
MORTY: I'll get it!
HELEN: I'll get it!
(They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first)
HELEN: Hello?.. Hello?
(She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and carrying a bat and glove)
JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off)
MORTY: So, how'd you do?
JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on a fly! We'll be in the championship game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment of my life.
HELEN: I thought you were getting it.
MORTY: Should I pick up?
HELEN: You want me to get that?
MORTY: I'll get it!
HELEN: I'll get it!
(They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first)
HELEN: Hello?.. Hello?
(She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and carrying a bat and glove)
JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off)
MORTY: So, how'd you do?
JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on a fly! We'll be in the championship game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment of my life.
Medium
HELEN: This is your greatest moment? A game?
JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course.
MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat.
HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party?
JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming. He knows what he's doing.
HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary.
MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today. They invited you again. I think you should go.
JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine.
HELEN: So bring her.
JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course.
MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat.
HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party?
JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming. He knows what he's doing.
HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary.
MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today. They invited you again. I think you should go.
JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine.
HELEN: So bring her.
Semibold
MORTY: Are you getting that?
HELEN: I thought you were getting it.
MORTY: Should I pick up?
HELEN: You want me to get that?
MORTY: I'll get it!
HELEN: I'll get it!
(They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first)
HELEN: Hello?.. Hello?
(She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and carrying a bat and glove)
JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off)
MORTY: So, how'd you do?
JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on a fly! We'll be in the championship game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment of my life.
HELEN: I thought you were getting it.
MORTY: Should I pick up?
HELEN: You want me to get that?
MORTY: I'll get it!
HELEN: I'll get it!
(They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first)
HELEN: Hello?.. Hello?
(She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and carrying a bat and glove)
JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off)
MORTY: So, how'd you do?
JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on a fly! We'll be in the championship game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment of my life.
Black
HELEN: This is your greatest moment? A game?
JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course.
MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat.
HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party?
JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming. He knows what he's doing.
HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary.
MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today. They invited you again. I think you should go.
JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine.
HELEN: So bring her.
JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course.
MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat.
HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party?
JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming. He knows what he's doing.
HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary.
MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today. They invited you again. I think you should go.
JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine.
HELEN: So bring her.
Regular
The cosmetic surgery procedures that are available to people today - liposuction, are you familiar with this? This is a fat-sucking machine. Now you know, somewhere, somebody is working on a way that this thing could go into a restaurant. And you could just order it off the menu. 'I tell you what, give me the cheesecake, crank me up to nine, and put a scoop of ice cream on the side. The cosmetic surgery procedures that are available to people today - liposuction, are you familiar with this? This is a fat-sucking machine. Now you know, somewhere.
The cosmetic surgery procedures that are available to people today - liposuction, are you familiar with this? This is a fat-sucking machine. Now you know, somewhere, somebody is working on a way that this thing could go into a restaurant. And you could just order it off the menu. 'I tell you what, give me the cheesecake, crank me up to nine, and put a scoop of ice cream on the side. The cosmetic surgery procedures that are available to people today - liposuction, are you familiar with this? This is a fat-sucking machine. Now you know, somewhere.
Medium
You know doctor is supposed to be such a prestigious occupation. But it’s really like one of the only jobs where you have to have your diploma right up there on the wall. It makes them seem so insecure, doesn’t it? "I really am a doctor you know. You think I’m not, just check it out." I don’t know why they need these little bits of psychological leverage over us all the time. "Go in that little room, take your pants off, wait 15 minutes, and I’ll give you my opinion." After that, anyone that comes in with pants on seems like they know what they’re talking about. In any difference of opinion, pants always beats no-pants.
You know doctor is supposed to be such a prestigious occupation. But it’s really like one of the only jobs where you have to have your diploma right up there on the wall. It makes them seem so insecure, doesn’t it? "I really am a doctor you know. You think I’m not, just check it out." I don’t know why they need these little bits of psychological leverage over us all the time. "Go in that little room, take your pants off, wait 15 minutes, and I’ll give you my opinion." After that, anyone that comes in with pants on seems like they know what they’re talking about. In any difference of opinion, pants always beats no-pants.
Semibold
I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over... All you did was not die for twelve months. That's all you've done, as far as I can tell. Now those astrology things where they tell you all the people that have the same birthday as you? It's always an odd group of people too, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean?
I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over... All you did was not die for twelve months. That's all you've done, as far as I can tell. Now those astrology things where they tell you all the people that have the same birthday as you? It's always an odd group of people too, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean?
Black
What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one of the fun thingsfor them is to say, "objection." "Objection! Objection, your Honor." Objection, of course, is the adult version of, "Fraid not." To which the judge can say two things, he can say, "overruled" which is the adult version of "Fraid so," or he could say, "sustained," which is the adult version of "Duh."
What are lawyers, really? To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one of the fun thingsfor them is to say, "objection." "Objection! Objection, your Honor." Objection, of course, is the adult version of, "Fraid not." To which the judge can say two things, he can say, "overruled" which is the adult version of "Fraid so," or he could say, "sustained," which is the adult version of "Duh."
Regular
At parking lots now they have these 'compact car only' spots, isn't that discrimination against the size of your car? If I want my ass hanging out of the back of my parking spot, that's my business. There are people out there with real asses hanging out of their pants, nobody's stopping them. Nobody goes, Hey, hold it, sir. Those are compact jeans, you can't pull that in there. At parking lots now they have these 'compact car only' spots, isn't that discrimination against the size of your car? If I want my ass hanging out of the back of my parking spot, that's my business. There are people out there with real asses hanging out of their pants, nobody's stopping them. Nobody goes, Hey, hold it, sir. Those are compact jeans, you can't pull that in there.
At parking lots now they have these 'compact car only' spots, isn't that discrimination against the size of your car? If I want my ass hanging out of the back of my parking spot, that's my business. There are people out there with real asses hanging out of their pants, nobody's stopping them. Nobody goes, Hey, hold it, sir. Those are compact jeans, you can't pull that in there. At parking lots now they have these 'compact car only' spots, isn't that discrimination against the size of your car? If I want my ass hanging out of the back of my parking spot, that's my business. There are people out there with real asses hanging out of their pants, nobody's stopping them. Nobody goes, Hey, hold it, sir. Those are compact jeans, you can't pull that in there.
Medium
The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride, and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over and she marries the next guy. Thats why the wedding vow isn't 'do you take Bill Simpson', its 'do you take this man'. The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way.
The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride, and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over and she marries the next guy. Thats why the wedding vow isn't 'do you take Bill Simpson', its 'do you take this man'. The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way.
Semibold
Don't you hate "to be continued" on TV. It's horrible when you sense the "to be continued" coming. You know, you're watching the show. You're into the story. There's like five minutes left and suddenly you realize, "Hey, they can't make it." Timmy's still stuck in the cave. There's no way they wrap this up in five minutes. I mean the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life. A comedian can't do that, see. I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm - Can you come back next week?"
Don't you hate "to be continued" on TV. It's horrible when you sense the "to be continued" coming. You know, you're watching the show. You're into the story. There's like five minutes left and suddenly you realize, "Hey, they can't make it." Timmy's still stuck in the cave. There's no way they wrap this up in five minutes. I mean the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life. A comedian can't do that, see. I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm - Can you come back next week?"
Black
So I'm on the plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up some time in the air. I thought, well isn't that interesting. We'll just make up time. That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now, my question is if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? C'mon, there's no cops up here, nail it. Give it some gas! We're flying! So I'm on the plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up some time in the air.
So I'm on the plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up some time in the air. I thought, well isn't that interesting. We'll just make up time. That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now, my question is if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? C'mon, there's no cops up here, nail it. Give it some gas! We're flying! So I'm on the plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up some time in the air.
Regular
Can you give me an explanation as to why the pharmacist has to be two-and-a-half feet up above everybody else? What the hell is he doing, he can't be down there on the floor with you and me? Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're all on the same level. Oh no, he's gotta be two-and-a-half feet up. "Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills. Spread out, give me some room." The only hard part of his whole job that I could see is typing everything onto that little tiny label. He has to try and get all the words on there, keep the paper in the- it's a little piece of paper, in the roller of the typewriter. Oh no, he's gotta be two-and-a-half feet up. "Yeah, I'd like to get this prescription filled." "Alright, and you wait down there, only I'm allowed up here."
Can you give me an explanation as to why the pharmacist has to be two-and-a-half feet up above everybody else? What the hell is he doing, he can't be down there on the floor with you and me? Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're all on the same level. Oh no, he's gotta be two-and-a-half feet up. "Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills. Spread out, give me some room." The only hard part of his whole job that I could see is typing everything onto that little tiny label. He has to try and get all the words on there, keep the paper in the- it's a little piece of paper, in the roller of the typewriter. Oh no, he's gotta be two-and-a-half feet up. "Yeah, I'd like to get this prescription filled." "Alright, and you wait down there, only I'm allowed up here."
Medium
I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills. Conversational Distance, don't you hate these people that talk to you they talk into your mouth like you're a clown at a drive-through and Hand shakes is the worst, there's absolutely no guidelines for hand shakes you know these people? Too long, too weak, sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake just the fingers, early release, late release, sometimes people will dispute your release, you let go there're hangin' on. I have actually said to people 'Hey the handshake is over!.' Too many pumps, coming in too high, too sweaty, coming from too far away. Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too close conversation. To him I say 'That's three strikes you're out.'
I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills. Conversational Distance, don't you hate these people that talk to you they talk into your mouth like you're a clown at a drive-through and Hand shakes is the worst, there's absolutely no guidelines for hand shakes you know these people? Too long, too weak, sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake just the fingers, early release, late release, sometimes people will dispute your release, you let go there're hangin' on. I have actually said to people 'Hey the handshake is over!.' Too many pumps, coming in too high, too sweaty, coming from too far away. Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too close conversation. To him I say 'That's three strikes you're out.'
Black
There's always that one location, one store location that's constantly changing hands. Everybody has this in their neighborhood, it's a leather store, it's a yogurt shop, it's a pet supply. It's constantly changing and nobody can do business there. It's like some sort of Bermuda triangle of retail, you know? Stores open up and then they just disappear without a trace. Nobody knows what happened to 'em. I guess eventually when like aliens land in mother ship of close encounters, bottom will slowly open and all these store owners will come wondering out in a daze going 'I thought there would be more walk-in traffic didn't you?.'
There's always that one location, one store location that's constantly changing hands. Everybody has this in their neighborhood, it's a leather store, it's a yogurt shop, it's a pet supply. It's constantly changing and nobody can do business there. It's like some sort of Bermuda triangle of retail, you know? Stores open up and then they just disappear without a trace. Nobody knows what happened to 'em. I guess eventually when like aliens land in mother ship of close encounters, bottom will slowly open and all these store owners will come wondering out in a daze going 'I thought there would be more walk-in traffic didn't you?.'
Medium
Of all the places that you go all the time, the dry-cleaning relationship is one of the most bizarre. Because you keep giving each other the same thing, back and forth, over and over again. He gives it to you, you give it to him, he gives it back to you. It's like it's half his shirt, in a way. He has it as much as you do...you oughta go shopping with him. 'What do you think of this shirt?' 'That would look good with a light starch.' The only warning label people really respect is 'dry-clean only.' Y'know what I mean? Speed limits, lung cancer, cigarette warnings - your very life is at stake! People go, 'Ah, the hell with it!' But dry-clean only? 'Oh, don't put that in the wash! It's dry-clean only! Are you crazy?!'
Of all the places that you go all the time, the dry-cleaning relationship is one of the most bizarre. Because you keep giving each other the same thing, back and forth, over and over again. He gives it to you, you give it to him, he gives it back to you. It's like it's half his shirt, in a way. He has it as much as you do...you oughta go shopping with him. 'What do you think of this shirt?' 'That would look good with a light starch.' The only warning label people really respect is 'dry-clean only.' Y'know what I mean? Speed limits, lung cancer, cigarette warnings - your very life is at stake! People go, 'Ah, the hell with it!' But dry-clean only? 'Oh, don't put that in the wash! It's dry-clean only! Are you crazy?!'
Black
Monkeys are really the end of the line in the pet world. I think when you're at the monkey level of pet ownership, have a kid. I mean, come on, you know, I mean, you're *so* close. If you need a pet that can roller skate and smoke cigars, it's time to think about a family. Monkeys, of course, were the first astronauts in the sixties, which I'm sure made perfect sense in the monkey brain. 'Maybe that is the next logical step for me, because I've been working with the Italian guy and the crank organ, and I think I'm ready to handle the maximum re-entry g-forces.
Monkeys are really the end of the line in the pet world. I think when you're at the monkey level of pet ownership, have a kid. I mean, come on, you know, I mean, you're *so* close. If you need a pet that can roller skate and smoke cigars, it's time to think about a family. Monkeys, of course, were the first astronauts in the sixties, which I'm sure made perfect sense in the monkey brain. 'Maybe that is the next logical step for me, because I've been working with the Italian guy and the crank organ, and I think I'm ready to handle the maximum re-entry g-forces.
Regular
To me, going to the health club, you see all these people and they're working out, and they're training and they're getting in shape but the strange thing is nobody is really getting in shape for anything. The only reason that you're getting in shape is that so you can get through the workout. So we're working out, so that we'll be in shape, for when we have to do our exercise. This is the whole thing. The other thing I don't get about it, is why we're so careful about locking up our dirty towels and smelly jock-straps. What exactly is the black market on these disgusting gym clothes? I give my car to any valet guy in front of a restaraunt because he has a short red jacket, yeah he must be the valet guy, I don't even think about it but my stinking, putrified gym clothes, I got one of these locks you could put a bullet through it and it won't open. That stuff is safe.
To me, going to the health club, you see all these people and they're working out, and they're training and they're getting in shape but the strange thing is nobody is really getting in shape for anything. The only reason that you're getting in shape is that so you can get through the workout. So we're working out, so that we'll be in shape, for when we have to do our exercise. This is the whole thing. The other thing I don't get about it, is why we're so careful about locking up our dirty towels and smelly jock-straps. What exactly is the black market on these disgusting gym clothes? I give my car to any valet guy in front of a restaraunt because he has a short red jacket, yeah he must be the valet guy, I don't even think about it but my stinking, putrified gym clothes, I got one of these locks you could put a bullet through it and it won't open. That stuff is safe.
Semibold
Its fascinating. When you go into a stationery store that they’re manufacturing millions of pens; constantly we’re all buying them. I must have bought six thousand Bics in my life. I’ve used up maybe two of them. Where are the rest of them? When you move the refrigerator there’s a couple back there but it doesn’t account for it. Where are all the pens? That’s why it’s so embarrassing if you don’t have one. You got a pen? Can I borrow a pen? We always have to whisper because it’s so humiliating. I don’t have a pen. They’re making millions of them every week! I know; where are they?
Its fascinating. When you go into a stationery store that they’re manufacturing millions of pens; constantly we’re all buying them. I must have bought six thousand Bics in my life. I’ve used up maybe two of them. Where are the rest of them? When you move the refrigerator there’s a couple back there but it doesn’t account for it. Where are all the pens? That’s why it’s so embarrassing if you don’t have one. You got a pen? Can I borrow a pen? We always have to whisper because it’s so humiliating. I don’t have a pen. They’re making millions of them every week! I know; where are they?
Black
Buying shoes is one of the great shopping challenges. Have you ever seen someone put on new pair of shoes? They turn into a zombie as they start walking around the store. Yeah, these are pretty good. Then they have that little 1 -foot-high mirror there. What is that about? So I can see what cats will think of my shoes? What is that angle? Bum passed out on the curb, Hey, what do you think of these? I just got them. I've seen them from that angle myself. Buying shoes is one of the great shopping challenges.
Buying shoes is one of the great shopping challenges. Have you ever seen someone put on new pair of shoes? They turn into a zombie as they start walking around the store. Yeah, these are pretty good. Then they have that little 1 -foot-high mirror there. What is that about? So I can see what cats will think of my shoes? What is that angle? Bum passed out on the curb, Hey, what do you think of these? I just got them. I've seen them from that angle myself. Buying shoes is one of the great shopping challenges.
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Copyright
© 2023 Studio Feixen
© 2023 Studio Feixen
Typeface designed by:
Felix Pfäffli
and Robin Eberwein
Felix Pfäffli
and Robin Eberwein
Production:
Robin Eberwein
Robin Eberwein
Kerning:
Igino Marini
Igino Marini
Code:
Felix Pfäffli
Felix Pfäffli
Campaign/Animation:
Felix Pfäffli
and Robin Eberwein
Felix Pfäffli
and Robin Eberwein
Wanna play around?
Check out our mobile editor!
Questions
Wiki
Do you want to know how to use alternates and ligatures or embedding and animating fonts? Here we go!
Wiki
Do you want to know how to use alternates and ligatures or embedding and animating fonts? Here we go!
Trials
Download Trials*
*By clicking this button you agree to not distribute, reproduce, or use these files for any commercial purpose.
Download Trials*
*By clicking this button you agree to not distribute, reproduce, or use these files for any commercial purpose.
